I love Vanity Fair, and one of my favorite features is the George Wayne interview.

George Wayne is described as “a chronicler of global café society,” a “distinguished cultural arbiter,” (both from Vanity Fair) and an “invasive celebrity interrogator” (New York Magazine). He can be counted on to pose off-color and sexually-provocative questions to anyone, from A-list Hollywood actors to right-wing politicians. He’s kind of a forerunner to Sasha Cohen Baron’s Borat with a less intentionally clueless deviousness and more self-winking camp.

So I thought it would be fun to imagine Wayne interviewing the hero Jacks Dowd from my upcoming Werecat: The Rearing.

Retrieved from VanityFair.com

Wayne:  So Jacks, you’re a gay college student. Tell us what the young gays are doing for fun these days.

Dowd: I was a college student. But I dropped out in my last semester. I went to a pretty small college in upstate New York so there wasn’t a whole lot going on. House parties. Sometimes we’d go up to Montréal–

 Wayne: I’ve heard there are now gay fraternities. Isn’t that concept redundant?

Dowd: They didn’t have any gay fraternities at Calverton University. They had a Gay-Straight Alliance.

Wayne: In my day, a Gay-Straight Alliance was something that happened in the backrooms of Merv Griffin’s studio. Or was it a hustler service for Republican politicians? Anyway, have you ever been spanked?

Dowd: (guffaws) Yeah.

Wayne: I promised myself I wasn’t going to ask this question. But I can’t help myself so let’s just get it out of the way. Your story is called Werecat. What is a gay man doing in a book about pussy?

Dowd: It’s about feline shapeshifters. I don’t have sex with women if that’s what you’re asking.

Wayne: Thank God. I knew a man on Fire Island who used to dress up as Cat Woman and pull a chariot down the boardwalk offering people free rides. Is that the kind of werecat we’re talking about?

Dowd: No.

Wayne: So what are the young werecats doing for fun these days?

Dowd: I would have no idea. If you read the book, my boyfriend and I spend most of the time hanging out in an abandoned building.

Wayne: Oooh! I did that in the early 90’s. It’s like a rave, right?

Dowd: No. It’s not like a rave.

Wayne: Did anyone ever tell you: you’re a lousy interview?

Dowd: Did anyone ever tell you: you’re a sexually-obsessed old queen who asks lousy questions?

Wayne: Touché. [roots out a business card from his pocket] Here’s my number if you’re ever in the mood for Grandpa trade. I’ll bring the catnip.

Dowd: [takes the card and crumples it up in his fist] No thanks. Is this over?