My interview with Richard Carroll continues…
ANDREW PETERS: The ice is broken and I think I can ask you the “big question.” What happened that night at Fire Island?
RICHARD CARROLL: [clears throat] Basically, I put myself in a really bad situation. Me and my cousin Matty dropped Ecstasy, we went to a club, threw back a lot of drinks, and this guy offered me GHB. Honestly, there’s not much I remember from there. GHB’s the kind of drug you have to be careful with. Take a little, and you’re feeling great. Take too much, and you’re basically comatose. Obviously, I took too much.
AP: So you overdosed? There was also sexual assault involved.
RC: Yeah. It took me awhile to accept the sexual assault part. Y’know in the club scene, the “boothstore” scene, a lot of scenes, the boundaries are really blurry. These weren’t guys who cornered me and attacked me. We met at the club, dosed up together, things got pretty hot and heavy on the dance floor and I ended up going home with them, though I barely remember it.
AP: That made it hard to accept the experience as rape?
RC: Yeah, it definitely did. For a long while, I kept asking myself what did I do wrong? Or was I imagining that what happened wasn’t consensual or did I have the right to be angry at the guys for what happened?
AP: Do you think it’s also harder to reconcile because we don’t normally think of men as victims?
RC: For sure, that’s part of it. I mean I had been in a lot of crazy situations before and never thought of myself as a victim. Plus, I’m being really honest here, there’s the whole fantasy aspect . I mean, if I imagined something like that happening, going home with a group of guys, did that give me the right to be upset about it after it actually happened? And things are different in the gay world. People have three-ways, four-ways, orgies, and drugs are almost always involved. Now maybe nine times out of ten, that situation is totally safe. But in my case, that one night changed my life forever.
AP: A lot of people will think you’re very brave in coming forward about it. Was there also an aspect of pressure to not say anything because of how it reflects on the gay party scene?
RC: I hear what you’re saying. For me, that didn’t figure in as much. Maybe because I didn’t live through the experience. I didn’t have to face people I knew from that scene and deal with people’s reactions. It was a lot more of an internal struggle. But once I got past that, it really wasn’t so hard to tell my story. I mean sexual abuse or rape are things that affect a lot of people. If I can be honest about it, maybe that helps someone else.
AP: So you could be a role model after all.
RC: Maybe.
AP: Your story is about becoming an angel. That has a lot of religious connotations that bothered you at first.
RC: It did. Until I understood what it was really about. I mean, I haven’t converted to Christianity or anything. Being an angel has nothing to do with that.
AP: You’re a Jewish angel?
RC: I’m a “cultural Jewish” angel.
AP: Very cool. So, what’s it like being “on the other side?”
RC: Not as different as you might think. I mean, there are days when I forget that it’s any different. The people are different. The places are different. Angels travel between two worlds – the mortal world and the afterlife. And in a way, we’re not really part of either of them, which was kind of lonely at first, but then you discover there’s other people, other angels like you.
AP: And I understand you have a love interest.
RC: [cocks head and blushes] Yeah. I met someone.
AP: Allright. I think I know who my next interview is going to be. But Richard, we’re just about out of time. We’re going to have to move on to the speed round.
RC: Ok.
AP: Here goes. Ultimate Pop Diva: Lady Gaga or Madonna?
RC: Madonna.
AP: Wow – that’s kind of a surprise. When were you born? Like 1989?
RC: You gotta respect your elders.
AP: Good enough. OK. NYC neighborhood: Chelsea or Hell’s Kitchen?
RC: East Village, man!
AP: Allright. Time to update my questions. How ’bout Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts?
RC: Starbucks. Iced Coffee with a double shot of espresso. Can’t beat it.
AP: Social Networking: MySpace or Facebook?
RC: I had accounts on both of them, but I’d have to go with Grindr.
AP: You’re not sticking to my questions. What the hell is Grindr?
RC: It’s an Iphone app. You browse through people’s profiles, see where they’re at and find out if they want to meet up.
AP: Oh! Kinda like GPS, right? Guess I’m really showing my age here. Lemme see if I’ve got anything left in my script here. Designer jeans: True Religion or Diesel?
RC: That’s a hard one. I’m gonna have to go with Diesel.
AP: Ok. Fantasy date: Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner?
RC: Pattinson by a landslide.
AP: Great. That’s all we have time for. I think you scored three out of six. Thanks again, Richard. This has been really fun. Are you up for sticking around if visitors to the site have questions?
RC: Sure.
