I thought I’d do something different this week and interview the main character from my work-in-progress WHEN THE FALLEN ANGELS FLY. This is the first half of a two-part interview.
Some background: Richard Carroll is a 21-year-old Hamilton College student who gained notoriety when his body was found on a beach in Fire Island. An investigation into his death uncovered frightening details of a night spun out of control by sex and drugs. This interview marks the first time Richard has spoken to the media since his death.
ANDREW PETERS: Richard, thanks so much for taking the time to let me interview you.
RICHARD CARROLL: No problem.
AP: A lot of readers will be interested in what happened to you, but I thought we’d start off with a little bit about your background. You’re a Jersey Boy, right?
RC: Yep. I grew up in Teaneck.
AP: Jersey Boys have a reputation for being nice guys. Do you find that true?
RC: Um…yeah. I guess you could say that. I mean, growing up in Jersey it’s pretty hard to be pretentious and all superior. Maybe that’s where it comes from. That and the clean living. [ironic smirk]
AP: In your book, you touch on some of the tougher spots in your childhood and adolescence. How do you feel those experiences shaped you?
RC: Look: I think everyone has had their share of hard knocks to deal with. I don’t think my experiences were so character-defining or special. Yeah – my parents got divorced when I was thirteen. It was pretty horrible at the time. Looking back, I recognize it was the best thing for the two of them, but sure, I still carry my resentments. My dad was having an affair. My mom can be a really difficult person. The divorce was messy – fighting, using my sister and I as pawns, long stretches of time without hearing anything from my dad. I think my dad ultimately gave up and disappeared. It was lame on one hand, understandable on the other.
AP: You also had to face the additional challenge of coming out as gay.
RC: Y’know, I never thought of it as a challenge. Actually, discovering I was gay was something that I think saved me in a way. It gave me an out when things were batshit crazy at home. I could get on the Internet, hook up with guys, just get out of the house and into my own space.
AP: So you never had any doubts, mixed feelings? You never got any rip for being gay?
RC: In my high school, you got rip if you didn’t listen to the right music or have the right cell phone or if you participated in lame cliché’s like pep rallies and school dances. Being gay didn’t figure in so much as maybe being overweight or having really bad skin. Sure there were a few homophobic dicks but everyone pretty much hated them anyway.
AP: Your dad is Irish Catholic, your mom Eastern European Jewish. How did that affect the way you identify culturally.
RC: Well, Jewishness is passed down from the mother, so I’m Jewish by default. But neither one of my parents were very ethnic or religious. My mom considers herself a “cultural Jew,” which means you don’t go to temple for any of the holidays but you eat all the appropriate food. I guess I’m pretty much the same way. Religion skivves me.
AP: If your story got picked up by a major publishing house, you’d be one of very few gay heroes in mainstream literature. Does that prospect put a burden on you? Are you a role model?
RC: If I’m a role model, there’s a lot of people headed for disaster. [Laughs] A role model. For what? How to turn your life into a fabulous tragedy?
AP: You do party a lot and have a lot of sex and drink and do drugs. Do you think that obviates the chance for readers to relate to you in a positive way?
RC: I don’t know. I guess I can’t really control how people relate to me. I have trouble relating to myself at times. If people want to judge me for the choices I’ve made, they have every right to do that. I think I see where you’re going with the whole “gay role model” thing. I understand it. Gay people need more role models, for the kid who’s getting the shit beaten out of him at school or the young guys who’re being unsafe ’cause they think they’ll find love by having sex. But being a role model was never on my mind while I was out partying. And I wasn’t in some crazy spiral of depression over how horrible it is to be gay. I was just trying to live my life.
AP: Who were your role models?
RC: [Long pause. Smiles.] Probably not the right ones, I guess. My cousin Matty. He was always this sort of unattainable epitome of cool for me. He looks like this model/surfer dude, and everyone he meets falls in love with him. He’s just really good with people. And talented too. He’s like this amazing deejay.
And my Grandmom Rini. She managed to keep me and my sister somewhat sane when my mom and dad were splitting up. Just a really great person. [wipes his eyes and scowls]. Man, you’re getting me all emotional!
AP: Just call me Barbara Walters. We’ll take a break and get back to some questions next week.
