Post Update: Huge thanks to everyone who stopped by during the week! I had a great time myself hopping around to the 100+ author blogs to read inspiring stories. My contest ended May 25th and the winner is: Marc! I will be in touch very soon.
There were lots of things I could have written about for this year’s HAHaT, which is a social media effort by authors to promote the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. This year, the Hop coincides with a really special event in my life. So I decided to write something personal about that.
Many nice things have happened since The Seventh Pleiade came out last November. The most rewarding experience so far was being invited back to my high school to speak to students.
Amherst Central High School, retrieved from the Alumni Facebook page
Being a high school student was a fragmented experience for me as I suppose it is for many teenagers. On the surface, I was a generally well-liked honors student. I wasn’t part of the cool, popular crowd. That required earning at least one Varsity letter on one of the sports teams. But I eked out a group of friends, and there were a lot of good times both in and out of school.
Me, circa 1987, traveling around in a friend’s car on some lost night out in Amherst
I wrote for the high school newspaper. I competed in French and Latin and piano competitions. On weekends, there were house parties and sneaking into dive bars where local rock bands were playing. Sometimes, we just drove around in someone’s car with seven or eight people piled in. I even had an occasional girlfriend like a “normal” teenage boy.
Meanwhile, there was a phantom chasing me. That phantom made its appearance when I was thirteen or fourteen. I liked boys. Really, really liked boys. I knew right away this was not a good thing. This was back in the 1980s and in suburban Western New York. There were no gay people in that world, just a few individuals who were assumed to be gay because of the way they dressed or their mannerisms.
There was a history teacher who got made fun of a lot. There was a boy in drama club who got shoved into lockers by the jocks. Strangely, the gender-bending characteristics of the rock stars whose music we all loved at the time (Robert Smith, Freddie Mercury, David Bowie), seemed to go above people’s heads. They were cool, but not really understood in my neck of the woods.
Robert Smith of The Cure, who I was musically-obsessed with, but a little frightened by his androgyny
In any event, I wasn’t headed to a career as a British rock star. Being gay was not an option. I made a solemn pact: I would never speak about my attraction. I thought, hopefully, that ignoring that phantom would make it go away.
Around the time that gay phantom reared its head, I made a suicide attempt that no one knew about. Thank god I was able to pull myself together. After that, I was so successful denying my feelings and “playing straight” that I didn’t really suffer from depression or bullying in high school. It was in college when I confronted things and felt a lot of anxiety and despair. Fortunately, I sought out counseling and emerged empowered. I decided to live my life openly. Further, I was determined to pursue a career making things better for LGBT youth.
I used to regret having waited so long to come out. I’ve come around to realize that I made the best choices that I could at the time. If I had come out at Amherst High School, I think I would have been psychically and possibly physically trampled. My friends and my family were more enlightened than most. But I can’t imagine that I would have had the support I needed to declare myself and stand against the ignorance and cruelty of my teen world.
Today, Amherst High School has a Gay/Straight Alliance (GSA) club and the faculty advisor tells me that the school is a welcoming place for LGBT students and teachers. That’s incredibly gratifying to hear. Having worked with schools and communities to address homophobia, I know the challenges. I also know that many schools have come a long, long way. In most schools around New York State, it’s the norm, not the exception to have a GSA.
It’s hard for me to imagine what it would be like to relive my life as a gay teenager at Amherst High School today. There is something enticing about that idea. I would be free to live without the constant worry about people discovering the “defect” in me. I would be able to start dating people I really liked many years before I actually did. I would turn out to be a very different person.
On the other hand, I like the person I’ve become. I like the friendships I made while I was a closeted kid in high school. Some of those people turned out to be lifelong friends. I like the career I undertook that grew out of my struggle, and all of that journey that led me to my husband and the life we are making together.
So no regrets, Amherst High School. My experience in high school had a big influence on who I am today. Thanks for welcoming me back.
More recent pic of me with my husband Genaro
Now for the HAHAT giveaway! Just drop a comment below with your e-mail address, and I will pick a winner on May 25th 12:00am EST through random.org. The giveaway will be a copy of The Seventh Pleiade, and the winner’s choice of an autographed paperback or an e-book in her/his preferred format. 
Atlantis is besieged by violent storms, tremors, and a barbarian army. For sixteen-year old Aerander, it’s a calamitous backdrop to his Panegyris, where boys are feted for their passage to manhood.
Amid a secret web of romances among the celebrants, Aerander’s cousin Dam goes missing with two boys. With the kingdom in crisis, no one suspects the High Priest Zazamoukh though Aerander uncovers a conspiracy to barter boys for dark spiritual power. Aerander’s proof — an underground vault that disappears in the morning — brings shame on his family and suspicions of lunacy. The only way to regain his honor is to prove what really happened to the missing boys.
Tracking Dam leads Aerander on a terrifying and fantastical journey. He spots a star that hasn’t been seen for centuries. He uncovers a legend about an ancient race of men who hid below the earth. And traveling to an underground world, he learns about matters even more urgent than the missing boys. The world aboveground is changing, and he will have to clear a path for the kingdom’s survival.
that’s awesome that the school asked you back and that they have a program in place for the GLBT community
leetee2007@hotmail.com
Thanks for sharing your life’s journey 🙂
penumbrareads(at)gmail(dot)com
Andrew,
what a lovely post!! Thank you so much for sharing your personal story this year. That you went to Amherst High really caught my attention as I live in Tonawanda, so hey, if you’re still local we’re almost neighbors. Always nice to find potential writing buddies close by. What a wonderful experience to be asked back to give a talk at your school.
~~Cherie Noel~~
Beautiful post! Thank you for this. I love that you were invited back to your High School to speak to the kids. That is so amazing. Thank you for sharing about your life. 🙂
What a great experience to go back. I’m glad to see that you made it out of a dark place and look at your past with good memories as well. That’s what life is. Remembering the good moments and learning from the bad.
Thanks for sharing your journey. I graduated high school in 1990, Houston, TX, and my best friend was an open gay boy. He was picked on, but not badly, because although our group wasn’t the baddest, we were big enough to fight back. And the whole school knew we weren’t afraid to do so. I’m glad to hear your old school has come into the light.
Thanks for the glimpse into your life and the giveaway.
Kathy C.
I thought it was awesome too. 🙂
In fact, one of the first things I said talking to the students was: “This may be hard for you to believe, but when you get older, being invited back to speak to your high school is a pretty exciting and awesome thing.”
My pleasure. Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks Cherie! I’ve moved on to NYC, but I get back a few times a year because my parents still live in Amherst. We will have to get together sometime soon when I’m visiting!
I appreciate that Taylor! Thank you for stopping by. 🙂
That’s so true Dana. I guess I’m lucky in a way that I didn’t experience high school as a horrible period in my life. There were tough times for sure, but like most LGBTs I think, it wasn’t a bleak, joyless time as it’s sometimes made out to be from an outsider’s perspective.
Hi Kathy – I’m sure your friend appreciated your having his back! Thanks for doing that. 🙂
What a triumph–very cool story all around!
vitajex(at)Aol(Dot)com
My high school experience was also about “not being that guy,” despite what went on in my head (and elsewhere).
Thanks for sharing, Andrew!
Thank you for sharing your experiences and happily ever after!
Well done!
I’m glad you have no regrets because your experiences made you have amazing giving person you are…
Hugs, Z.
Thanks Trix! I’m glad you stopped by.
Hi C.C.! So many of us “of a certain age” had that experience – the double life. Thanks for stopping by.
Thanks Z! Glad you stopped by.
Wonderful post. It’s a relief to hear that you suicide attempt failed and that although things didn’t look ideal at that moment in your life you didn’t give up. Thank you for sharing your story-I know it’ll give hope to those who are probably experiencing those same feelings you had at that moment.
humhumbum AT yahoo DOT com
Thanks for sharing your story with us and the pic of you and your hubby! (Lookin good guys!!)
raynman1979(at)yahoo(dot)com
Nice of you to share and participate
bn100candg at hotmail dot com
My pleasure. Thanks bn, Rissa and H.B. for stopping by.
H.B., greatly appreciate your kind words.
Rissa, we’ll take the compliment 😉
LIke it or not, all of our experiences good or bad go into the person we become. Thanks for sharing your story and for participating. lena.grey.iam@gmail.com
Suicide and depression are so common amongst LGBT youth that it should almost be part of the training manual for parents. I am glad that you are still here and that you have found a way to fight. 🙂
I’m glad you’ve found happiness and now feel comfortable in your skin! Hugs. caddyauthor(at)gmail(dot)com
I really enjoyed your post, thanks for sharing.
MHupp20032003(at)yahoo(dot)com
Your blog post is so touching. I read from first till the last with great interest. I was feeling a little sad knowing that you had to fake being straight and all, but eventually your courage to come out and live the life you wished for is was inspiring.
Thanks Ray!!
@Anastasia: I agree. Coming out is such a difficult adjustment for teenagers. It certainly was for me.
@Lena: I with you 100%. 🙂
Thanks Michelle and Caddy for stopping by!
Thanks for taking part in the hop!
kimberlyFDR@yahoo.com
We row with whatever oars we have at the time.
Thanks for sharing and for joining us, Andrew.
Thank you so much for the great post. It is great to hear that more and more schools show tolerance and support for their LGBT students. Gives me a lot of hope for the future. <3 Please count me for the giveaway 😉
Howdy and many thanks Marc, Andrew and Kimberly for stopping by!
That kinda brought tears to my eyes. Love you!
Thanks for the chance to enter! wendynjason04@gmail.com
I enjoyed your post. Thanks for being part of the hop.
sstrode at scrtc dot com